It's been a LONG time since I wrote. I started the promised posts...and never got them on here! I want to be a woman of my word, so here is one of the posts I promised on the struggles I was going through as I last blogged about in May.)
Written in May:
My biggest struggle right now is church. It's hard to even write that sentence or admit it to anyone, even myself. In my attempt to figure out why I have this struggle, this is what I have found:
1.) For the first time in 31 years, I don't know the pastors at my church. In fact, I don't know anyone on staff at the church.
2.) I am not plugged in at my church, aside from a small group. If it wasn't for my small group, I would feel even more lost and disconnected from the church.
3.) I have a passion for ministry and gifts, and they aren't being used at church. I have tried for months to get connected...with no result back from the church.
4.) Other than three family members I go to church with, I don't know anyone. (Most of my small group goes to the evening service.)
5.) I found that due to my small intern stipend combined with increased gas prices, I was running out of gas money in my budget to even get to church. This got complicated when my car was broken and not drivable. When I looked up public transportation to get to church, I would need to leave on Saturday afternoon, arriving late Saturday afternoon and have to camp out on the church property, just so I could get to a Sunday morning service. Even to get to my cousin's house so I could ride with them, brought complications with public transportation. This also meant that in order to get more involved at church would mean driving more, which meant more gas money needed in the budget, which I didn't have.
6.) Reflecting back, I realize when I first moved, that I allowed myself to make decisions based on the fact I would only be here for a year. My job is only for a year, and who knows after that time, where I will be living and working.
7.) I love the Lord, I want to worship the Lord corporately, I want to grow in my faith, I desire to serve the Lord and others in the context of the church.
All of this left me going before the Lord in prayer, seeking Him in the midst of this struggle and wondering...where is God leading me on the path in this journey?
