Realness

Lets face it – we all want to be understood, for people to get us, to not be put in a box, to not be judged, etc.  If we want this, it seems a simple solution would be to give people the chance to know us.  However, this means taking a risk and being real.  It means be authentic with those around us, willing to take off the “mask.”

What does it mean to be real?  Perhaps it means I embrace exactly how God created me and embrace what is going on in my life – both good and bad, that I don’t hide.  I think it also means being completely real with those close “core” friends and family, but also my being real with those God has put around me.  In other words, if someone asks how I’m doing and it’s not been a great day – I tell them it’s not been a great day rather than tell them I’m good.  It means sharing what God is doing in my life, even if I’m in the midst of a stormy time.

About a year ago, this topic was heavy on my heart and mind.  There had been a situation with close friends where I questioned – were people real with each other?  I didn’t know if they were and didn’t know if they hadn’t been.  I just knew these friends were hurting and had been and yet questioned where had I missed the signs they had been struggling.  I dealt with feelings of guilt, thinking I hadn’t been a good friend because I’d missed all the warning signs of people not doing well.  It was a deep rooted question I was struggling with as an outcome of the situation. 

I feel one of the best places we hide is at church and within the church body.  I’ve done it.  I question if we as a church were real with one another, would situations like we encountered last year have happened?  Why do we feel we have to “have it all together” when we enter the doors of the church building for any reason?  After all, God knows we don’t have it all together.  Oh, and just for the record – every one of us is a sinner.  I still can’t help but have the “what if” we as a church felt the Body of Christ was a safe place to be real in…would things have been different?  What does the church body do if we don’t say life is going awesome and we are struggling with something?  Why is there this “we have to be perfect” mentality within the body of believers?  Do we really get that we aren’t perfect – ONLY God is! 

In the past few days, I’ve been struggling with feelings of being betrayed and lied to…by someone I was friends with for the past several months.  She is a sister in Christ, we’ve served the Lord together, we’ve cried and celebrated together.  But then…I find out a big secret of life.  In that secret comes the feelings of being betrayed and lied to, and now our friendship and even the community around us are broken.  My heart is broken, my heart grieves in so many ways.  I find myself again wondering – what if this friend had been real?  Would that have changed the situation, no.  However, it would have not had the shattered effect on the friendship or community that it seems to have now.  While God can heal and restore, I do believe it could’ve been prevented…in many ways.

I find myself again facing the question – what does it mean to be real?  How does that look?  I can’t change the church, I can’t change the world, but I can change myself.  I can model how the Lord wants me to be real with those around me. 

About a week and a half ago, I was real with a group of close friends.  After that time, some of these friends shared words of encouragement but also words of realness in their own life.  A bond that I felt was missing something was found again being tightened.  The distance I felt, had been removed by this mutual sharing and bonding and creating a deeper friendship.  It’s a risk, but one I’m glad I took!

Learning to be real in the good times of life is easy.  It’s being real in the tough times of life that is a lesson for me, and a journey I’m on.  Tonight my boyfriend and I were planning to have dinner with two close friends of mine and people who I’m blessed God has put into my life.  Having had a rough week (or almost two weeks now), a part of me wanted to cancel our dinner.  I wanted to hide – from all three people.  I wanted to just be alone.  However, I knew I needed to go and be honest, even if it meant crying (or even sobbing) with the fact I’m not in a good spot.  It was refreshing to share, to cry, to be honest, to be asked questions, to hear perspectives other than my own, to be accepted despite not having it all together, to be loved unconditionally, to be able to crash and yet have friends who were my crash pads, and in the midst of our conversation they continaully point me to the Lord. 

It’s a journey – of being real despite the struggles.  And so, I’m devoting the next few blogs to sharing those struggles.  My heart’s desire and prayer is that even one person will be encouraged to know they are not alone (or weird, or wrong), and that God will be able to use my story to minister to others in ways I couldn’t do but through this blog.