Struggle: Control

The last post on the struggles - that I originally started in May.  Thanks for being patient in my getting these posted!


Again, keep in mind - this is from May...


Hi!  My name is Sarah and I am a control freak!  :)  Yes, I like to be in control of things!  I really like to be in control of my life!  Oh how this is coming out so much right now!  Since October, I have been working at a job that was to only be for a year.  When I came into the job, the previous year had been slow for the ministry.  However, God has brought about lots of blessings and the ministry has grown!  In fact, it has grown so much that the "higher ups" are recognizing something needs to be done, that some changes are required.  Well, these changes not only affect the ministry but also my job - which means me!  We originally had discussions in March.  They asked me some direct questions, I shared my heart.  In the end, it was decided a meeting would need to be held between the "high higher ups" of both organizations I work for.  Awesome!  Sounds good to me!  Two months later...um...how about those meetings???  I wait.  And wait.  Seems to be God thinks I need to learn yet another lesson in patience.  Seriously?  Ugh. 


But I just want these people to meet and to decide...


I think it's fair to feel this way.  After all, it is my future here...and to know whether I need to start the process of job searching soon or not.  With the job market the way it is, not to mention looking for a ministry position, I need time to find a new job before I'm without a job...and income to pay my basic bills.  Oh yes, and since I live where I work...I would be without a place to live.  


I struggle with wanting to control things, of wanting to have a meeting with everyone.  I also struggle with these "high higher ups" making a decision about the ministry and it affecting me, without them even having the chance to know me or to hear the stories of changed lives through the ministry. You can look at all the numbers you want on a spreadsheet (Which if you do, you will see the numbers have doubled.), but without hearing the heart behind everything - can you make the right decision?  


I want to schedule the meeting...with me there to share my heart!


And then I have to realize - who really is in control of all this?  Is it me?  No.  I'm fully aware that God has blessed this ministry, so I need to be fully aware that God is in control of the decisions on the future of the ministry and my job situation!  


I need to trust Him...fully...period.